I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
