There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
