I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
