I wish I could punch you in the face.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
