i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
