shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
