someone threw a dead crab at me
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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