I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
