That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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