I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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