You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
