Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
