Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
