i just sent this text using only my big toe
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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