Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
