Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
