did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
