He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
