Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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