My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
