Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
