Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
