Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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