Your tits are I can't wait for
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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