: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
smell my finger.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
