Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
