you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
