At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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