Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
