Don't you send me to vm
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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