Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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