Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
