So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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