Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
