I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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