Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
