if only i could text you this smell
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
