all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
