Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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