See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
