is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
