SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
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