Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Drunk is not a location!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
