i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
