it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
