he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
