Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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