so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
