dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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