i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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