he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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